“Unbecoming the Box” 

The world—and often religion—hands us a box early on.

Labeled. Measured. Tied up with expectations we never agreed to.

We are taught to shrink into it, to mute the colors that don’t match its palette.

So we start masking.

We perform. We polish. We fight to fit, or fight to break free.

But in both, we are still dancing around the box.

We think healing is about fixing what’s broken.

But sometimes, healing is simply seeing that we were never broken to begin with—

just burdened by beliefs that weren’t ours.

We begin to awaken.

We realize that every gift comes with a cross to bear.

The light draws shadows.

Joy and sorrow, creation and collapse—yin and yang—are forever entwined.

To carry light is to understand darkness intimately.

And then something deeper unfolds:

We are not meant to perform wholeness.

We are meant to embody it—through authenticity, not perfection.

The authentication process isn’t about becoming more—it’s about unbecoming ...

We’ve all had situations where our emotions got the best of us, whether we’re sitting in traffic, dealing with a difficult driver, or arguing with a loved one.  Often it’s because we didn’t realize what was happening until we were too far down the “emotional train” to change it. We say things we don’t mean and that we’ll later regret, because we haven’t cultivated emotional mastery. And when you don’t master your emotions/mood, you’re not able to identify and handle them until it’s too late.

Frank Outlaw stated, ”Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."  This starts with being mindful of ones emotional health.  Emotions are complex states involving both physical and mental changes that effect our mood and behavior. Emotions are powerful. Your mood determines how you interact with people, how you deal with challenges...

We live in a time when society is wanting to be constantly entertained. Humanity is driven by the next fix to bring them peace, joy, and happiness. When in reality it is up us to find our own joy in each day. It is a choice one makes. Your happiness is your own responsibility.  Don't rely on anyone else to achieve it. This is perhaps the most important realization that you need to make in order to achieve happiness in life and in yourself.

As I coach my clients in this topic, there has been one question that seems to always be asked.  "What does it mean/how does one to be responsible for your own joy?” My answer is the same every time. Taking personal responsibility means not blaming others for your unhappiness. It means figuring out ways in which you can be happy despite others' (negative) behaviors and despite the external circumstances.  This doesn't mean that very happy people blindly accepting whatever is happening to them.  A person who has taken personal responsibility recogniz...

My favorite quote regarding failure comes from Michael Jordan who said: “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” I love this quote because it reminds us that no success is possible if we are not willing to experience failure. Failure is simply part of the process of eventually winning. However, Jordan’s quote stops short of something that I know had to be a part of his process. We can’t just accept failure as part of the process. We must be open to the lessons that come from those failures that make it less likely in the future. Failure is inevitable. Learning from it is a choice that is necessary if we are going to fail well and avoid the same mistakes in the future.  

Learning from failure is a conscious decision that requires acknowledging when something has gone wrong and owning one’s part ...

For a lot of us, this has been a rough year, a tiring year, a painful year. Some years carry a heavier toll than others, and this is one of them. Yet in spite of that, or maybe because of it, there’s something you need to do: tell your story. Telling your story, with all its challenges, mistakes, failures, pain, setbacks as well as its joys, successes and victories says something about what it means to be human. Telling your story can even inspire others to take the first step on their path to living their authentic life! I know how tired you are. I know some of you you don’t feel heard. I know some of you might fear you don’t matter. You do!

Everyone’s experiences are unique, and as we share our stories, our perspectives, our take on world building and character development, we actually expand other people’s understanding.Your story matters because it is uniquely your own, and no one can tell it the way you can .No one has your voice. No one has your thoughts. No one has your experie...

It’s so easy to blame people and circumstances for everything that goes wrong in your life?  The truth is, the blame game is no fun to play and there are never any winners. And, perhaps, the biggest loser of all is the one who is doing all the blaming. When we blame others, we lose our power. Remaining stuck in our feelings of anger, resentment or abandonment only hurts us, not the other person. Brene Brown explains that blame has an inverse relationship with accountability.  It literally gets us off the hook.  Makes us feel better.  Gives us a sense of control.  But it has destructive consequences.  

Blame is an example of defensiveness, one of the communication killers, a form of self-protection that places us in a one-up stance (righteousness) or one-down (playing the victim).  This leads to a lack of empathy and understanding in relationships and makes it hard to listen and understand the other person.  

The first step is realizing you are playing the blame game.  Ask yourself th...

Let be start off by saying I am by no means a biblical scholar, but this is what God laid on my heart when I took time to look back on a year that’s been marked by more unexpected twists and turns than I’ve ever experienced in my entire life. So often we hear people say “If God closes one door, He’ll open another one” OR “If God closes a door, He’ll open a window”.  When you’re in recovery from a door being closed in your face, do these phrases bring you any peace? Of course they don’t.  Because when you are in the middle of your transitional season it is hard to see the light in the midst of the darkness. 

Most people are too attached to the past, to what they are familiar with, and therefore, miss opportunities that stand right in front of them. This is why it is so difficult to see another past the closed door.  What if I told you those closed doors have perks? Closed doors provide clarity if you are willing to acknowledge them for what they really are…an opportunity to be reminded...

Willful blindness, also known as conscious avoidance is a term used in law to describe a situation in which a person seeks to avoid civil or criminal liability for a wrongful act by intentionally keeping themselves unaware of facts that would render them liable or implicated.  Although the term was originally and still is used in legal contexts, the phrase "willful ignorance" has come to mean any situation in which people intentionally turn their attention away from an ethical problem  that is believed to be important by those using the phrase (for instance, because the problem is too disturbing for people to want it dominating their thoughts, or from the knowledge that solving the problem would require extensive effort).

Lately I have observed far too many individuals implementing willful ignorance.  It has left me with an alarming feeling. The biggest threats and dangers we face are the ones we don't see--not because they're secret or invisible, but because we're willfully blind. Th...